Booth Hates Wonder Woman
by gawilliams
Summary: Booth has some trouble with the movie that came out with Bones favorite super hero.
1. Chapter 1

_With the Wonder Woman movie out at long last, I thought it would be fun to do a way out there story with our favorite couple and see how Bones (in a very out of character way) handled a movie with her favorite super hero character. Of course this one is completely out of character, but I wanted to have fun with this as I enjoy the humor of Booth going a bit nuts when things are a bit "off". I hope you enjoy this one._

 _Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was in deep and utter loathing right at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to find who was responsible and shoot them. No, that was too kind and merciful. He needed to show these filth ridden sleaze bags what good, decent, honest people thought of all this bullshit! This was going to seriously screw up a big, and _**extremely**_ important, part of his life! Imagine! No interest, nor desire, in hitting the proverbial sheets with Bones! And, on top of _**that**_ totally fucked up state of affairs, _**never**_ wanting to go to the theater to see a flick ever again! It had taken him years to get Bones to relent on extremely rare occasions and see a movie with him at the theater, and it had taken nearly as long to get her to watch some movies on the TV at home, with that mainly as a concession to spend some serious quality time with their daughter. But now _**his**_ participation in all that was flushed right down the toilet! And his love of all that totally awesome role playing, let alone sex of any kind, that she had shown him the value of and he lived for on special occasions? _**That**_ was now swirling in the dregs of the old septic tank, too! The cause of all this horror? That grand cinematic flick _**Wonder Woman**_!

Not that he wanted to be misunderstood. No. He thought the film was great. Fantastic visuals, great special effects, and incredible stunts and fight scenes. They were totally awesome! The first three or four viewings, that is. Bones, naturally, being the absolute number one fan of Wonder Woman, had made damn sure that they were at the first showing of the flick when it came to town. Not the usual evening show or late afternoon, but the midnight sneak peek viewing. Never mind that her husband, the hard working, completely whipped puppy that could never say no to her, had a six in the AM meeting. Oh, no. That didn't matter. It had to be the midnight showing. And then what happened afterward? That's right. You guessed it. Bones was in rare form and had demanded, not requested, the performance of a lifetime from Junior and the Boys! Three times! Needless to say Senior had been practically catatonic during that whole meeting, which had included the Attorney General himself! When he got home from work wanting nothing more than to wolf down a sandwich and then go straight to bed until the next morning he discovered that something wasn't quite right.

You see Bones was ruthlessly logical, and had a perfect memory. He was convinced that if you asked her what a professor said on a certain day when she was in college she could deliver the whole damn lecture verbatim. Therefor whenever he wanted to see a movie again for fun she would always get this pinched look on her face seemingly questioning his sanity. So imagine his surprise when he got home and found her there waiting for him, and rather impatiently, too.

"Your clothes are laid out on the bed," she told him bluntly. "Get changed and then we can leave so we don't miss any of the opening scenes."

He'd been about to object, but he saw the look she gave him when he opened his mouth and thought better of it. It was that look she gave child abusers and serial killers. You know the one. The one that would have Satan running from the room screaming in fear! Not wanting to fan the flames any further he'd gone into the bedroom and found, to his horror, an exact duplicate of the three piece suit that the Steve Trevor character in the film had worn to the bar near the beginning of the film. It was thick and made of wool, too, as suits of that era were and he also saw that the shirt had one of those old fashioned separate high stiff collars. It was June and blazing hot! He was going to roast in the thing!

And roast he had! Not even the air conditioning in the theater had prevented him from sweating a gallon as he sat there, miserable as all get out, watching the movie for a second time. Bones hadn't helped as she'd absently stroked his thigh all during the movie, giving Junior and the Boys a loving pat every now and again to let them know that there was going to be some more of the festivities after they got home. Upon getting home he had immediately shed the suit from Hell and then tried to get into bed and sleep. That got him nowhere as she had immediately leveled the outrageous charge that he was demonstrating that all that malarkey early in the film about Clio's treatise on sex was true when it concluded men were absolutely worthless when it came to pleasure for a woman. Naturally Junior had something to say about that load of bull and spent much of the night proving that Clio had been an idiot of the first order!

That had been in early June. It was now mid November, or thereabouts, and Bones had dragged his whipped, pathetic, sorry ass to a daily showing of Wonder Woman since then without fail or missing a beat. And after each showing? You guessed it. A set of several rounds of hot, sweaty, role playing sex to round out the night. Mitch was delighting in calling him the ultimate pervert at confession and he had more Hail Mary's and Our Father's to do than he'd ever thought possible. And Junior? Well, he hated to admit it, but poor Junior had reached his limit. Last night he'd been AWOL. Not even a twitch! Today had been just as bad. The poor guy was just hanging there limp as a wet noodle! Totally useless! If Sweets were here, Rest His Soul, the Freudian hooey would be flying left and right! And Bones apparent development of OCD with respect to the flick? Man! The Boy would be having wet dreams about handling that case!

Now, though, he had a new problem to nip in the bud somehow. Bones, bless her little head, had not been too pleased with Junior over Junior's lack of, ahem, _enthusiasm_ the night before and just a little bit ago. No matter what she tried, even up to and including a little floor show of her, ahem, _**fiddling**_ , hadn't been enough to make the poor fella even twitch a millimeter! This was just totally messed up! He was married to a walking, talking sexual Goddess and he couldn't get it up! Sure she had a bit of _jam in her jelly_ after her two pregnancies as Pops, Rest His Soul, used to say when a woman was a bit more, uh, voluptuous, but like Pops he earnestly believed that the _slightly_ extra padding was in all the right places and made Bones even sexier than ever. Not that he would ever tell her that! She was still pissed that her beloved Wonder Woman costume no longer fit, so there was _**no way**_ he was going to make mention of the fuller curves. He was still trying to protect the jewels after he had been given _**The Glare**_ a year before when he had suggested that instead of the _ill fitting_ (the poor word choice he'd used at the time) Wonder Woman outfit that they could ship the kids to the Hodgins household and they could have their own private Halloween Party and dress up, or, rather, undress, as Nudists. He had thought it was an awesome idea, but for the first time ever he had seen Bones become somewhat vain about her appearance. He'd been careful ever since, needless to say!

"I'm making you an appointment for a physical exam tomorrow," Bones said entering the living room interrupting his loathsome musings.

Booth looked up and saw she was in her robe and it was obvious she didn't have a stitch on underneath. He looked down at Junior only to see that the Big Guy wasn't even close to being in the land of the living, the Traitor! He'd always thought that saying about too much of a good thing was so much bullshit, but now he had living proof of the truth of the adage. Junior was dead to the world because of too much sex!

"What on Earth for?" Booth questioned immediately. He _**hated**_ going to the doctor.

"I'm concerned that you may be developing erectile dysfunction and if so you may need to be prescribed Viagra," she told him.

"VIAGRA!" Booth practically shouted. He was torn between crying in shame, mentally screaming at Junior to get his traitorous ass in gear and start saluting like a good soldier, or argue to the ends of the Earth that there would be no little blue pills in _**this**_ happy home! OOH! Someone was definitely going to pay for all this bullshit!

"If that is what is required to maintain an optimally healthy sexual component in our marriage, then that is what needs to be done," she informed him.

"But Bones! You screwed poor Junior into a damn coma!" Booth tried to argue, all the while knowing it was a lost cause.

"All the more reason to explore a possible pharmacological solution to the problem as apparently your sexual physiology has become less than capable of maintaining a fully satisfactory libido," she rationally explained.

Booth had to process what she had just said in smaller words and when he realized what she had said his eyes widened and his nostrils flared. "My plumbing is in perfect working order!" he exclaimed, almost shouting. "I am a well oiled, perfectly symmetrical love machine! Have you forgotten my God like sperm count?"

He couldn't believe that she was turning this all around on him as if it were his fault that she had been screwing him senseless on a nightly basis ever since that damn movie had hit the theaters! He only thanked the heavens that last night had been the last showing of the film!

"It has been some time since your sexual physiology has been examined in any real fashion, so this turn of events could very well be an indication of potential issues or deficiencies," Bones calmly explained. "I will make the appointment, and will see what the results tell us. If there is nothing physically wrong, then we may be forced to seek assistance of a psychological nature, despite how imprecise a science that truly is, if it can indeed be called a science."

Booth watched as she left the living room, grumbling about the evils of such a soft science. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Two measly nights of Junior missing in action and his entire system of manhood delight was called into question! All the more reason to find who was responsible for this apocalypse and do some serious damage! He knew what he needed to do. It was time to pull in the so called King of the Lab and let him work his magic. Yep. Someone was going down for this one!

 _A/N: Here's the first of three chapters on this one. I am sorry that I haven't posted anything in some time but for the last several months I have had some serious health complications that have prevented me from being able to write with any real clarity and consistency. I am doing better now, even if still recovering, and hope to continue writing on a more regular basis. I am hoping to have the second chapter on this one within a week or so. I hope you've enjoyed this new one. BTW, Booth really did like_ Wonder Woman _, as did I, it's just the four months of daily viewings that ruined it for him. LOL. Gregg._


	2. Chapter 2

_I am glad to find the response so positive for this new story. Thank you all for taking a chance on this one. Now we get to see how Booth gets The King of the Lab in on finding out what has caused all the calamity to occur so he can figure out who to take down. I hope you enjoy this second chapter!_

 _Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth had to admit that Bones was nothing if not persuasive. The nanosecond she'd mentioned to his Doctor's nurse that her favorite plaything wasn't up to snuff he had an appointment right that morning! That meant a whole morning off while he was poked, prodded, stuck, and penetrated as he got the full treatment job. He was going to be having a little chat with Bones about the totally barbaric and torturous treatment that got meted out to his person. The straw that broke the camel's back was the camera at the end of a long, _**extremely**_ thick (his opinion!) tube that got shoved up Junior to take a little sneak peak at his urethra and bladder! No advanced warning! No sedative to lessen the trauma! Just grab, line up and shove in for all it was worth! Thank God he hadn't had to go through a colonoscopy! He was _**definitely**_ an exit only kind of a guy, so the traumatizing experience that Junior underwent ranks _**very**_ high on his list of punishment worthy no no's! His Sadist of a doctor seemed to enjoy his job a little too much in his totally unbiased opinion. He was going to have a chat with Bones about finding another doctor seeing as how since his whole brain tumor incident she had taken it upon herself to totally manage his health care, up to and including approving of all doctors. He still couldn't remember the conversation that she swears was had in which he had ceded control to her on the subject.

At the moment he was sitting in the Diner waiting for Hodgins to arrive. This was a totally off the books meeting as he wanted none of the other Squints to know what he was doing. That especially meant making damn sure that Angela didn't get wind of the fact that Junior was behaving in a _**decidedly**_ sub par manner. The minute she had that juicy bit of news it would be all over the Jeffersonian and the Hoover before he could put the kibosh on it. He would never hear the end of it if that happened. His minions in the Major Crimes division he headed absolutely must never know that their _**El Jeffe**_ was having a bit of trouble in the old pleasure salute side of marital life. And the Squints? He didn't even want to think of all the shit they'd be giving him! It was bad enough that he had to involve Hodgins in this one, but his mental and marital well being demanded sacrifices, especially if he wanted to avoid the total humiliation, at least in his case as he knew that it benefited many men, of having to use Viagra to get Junior back to being the good soldier he usually was.

He was broken out of his reverie when Hodgins rolled up to his booth. Booth looked at his friend and gave him his best _ **I will be obeyed**_ look.

"No one knows you're here?" Booth asked directly.

"Nope," Hodgins assured him. "I told Angela that I had to meet up with a lawyer about the barbecue sauce business. She and Dr. B are at Founding Fathers for lunch."

"Good!" Booth replied, taking a drink of his soda. "I need you to take a copy of the film for Wonder Woman, go through it and the audio with a fine toothed comb, and see if there is _**anything**_ that is not supposed to be there."

Hodgins jaw about came unhinged. What Booth was implying was so beyond his imagining that it was practically ludicrous! "Uh...excuse me?" he croaked. Yeah, he was the ultimate conspiracy nut, but if he dug around and found out that someone had slipped in some sick subliminal shit into a hit movie like Wonder Woman he'd be on the public hit list and have to go into hiding from the fans, studios, and actors! This could ruin the entire entertainment industry! Not to mention the nightmare of torture and mayhem that Dr. B would inflict on him seeing as she was such a fan of the Wonder Woman character.

Booth kept a steady glare on him. "Bones has dragged my ass to a showing every single damn day since it hit town!" he said a bit loudly. "Then she takes my whipped butt home and screws me senseless!"

"And that's a bad thing how?" Hodgins asked, focusing in on the screwing senseless side of the trouble. He didn't mention the whipped comment as he didn't want to piss off the man who could rip his balls off in a heart beat. He'd come to terms with being in a wheelchair, and loved his life with Angela, but the King of the Lab had no desire to lose the Crown Jewels that went with the Royal Scepter!

"It damn sure is when you lose all interest in sex whatsoever, Junior down there decides to go AWOL in spite of a little _**solo**_ display by Bones, and the very idea of going to a movie theater ever again makes me want to toss my cookies!" Booth said fiercely. He hadn't wanted to admit to the specifics of his dilemma, but he was a bit crazed at this point over the whole thing. "Now I've arranged through some bigwig who loves Bones' novels to have an actual reel of the film sent here to you, and also a copy of the audio. I expect you to work your magic on this on the QT, Hodgins. If Bones finds out, or any of the other Squints, we're dead."

"I think I'll pass on this one," Hodgins said firmly. No way was he going to touch this pending nightmare!

Booth raised a brow. "Alright," he said in a low, dangerous voice. "I guess that leaves us with Plan B."

"I love Plan B!" Hodgins enthused, figuring that anything other than trying to uncover some nefarious conspiracy within the entertainment industry was vastly more preferable.

"What's Billy's cell number?" Booth asked.

Hodgins looked at Booth as if he had horns growing out of his head. "What the Hell do you want _**that**_ sick freak's phone number for?" he questioned, keeping his tone down and moderate. He may not like it, but he had to keep his cool. Billy was a complete whack job, but he was Angela's father, meaning that he needed to keep his fear and loathing of the nut bar to a minimum. If he had his druthers the sick Sadist would be behind bars for the totally unwarranted bodily mutilation he'd perpetrated on both upper arms.

"I think Billy would be interested to find out his daughter's been emotionally abused and is unhappy because her hubby's husbandly behavior just isn't cutting the mustard anymore," Booth mused with a glare at the husband in question.

"Hey!" Hodgins squawked. "I was seriously depressed, I found out I'm stuck in a wheelchair, after all, but I've made damn sure that I cleaned up my act! I've been back in there cutting the mustard for some time now, and Angie's happy as ever! Besides, Billy will check in and find out that your little report is total bullshit!" He made a quick mental note to immediately ask Angie if she was happy when he got back to the Lab and start kissing some serious ass if her reply was anything less than an enthusiastic make out session.

"You so sure about that?" Booth questioned, a smile on his face. "Who do you think he's going to believe? A decorated former Army Ranger and FBI agent, or a son-in-law who he's had some issues with and left for the buzzards in the desert?"

"He'd still call Angie and check out your load of bull," Hodgins latched onto one last item.

"Billy strikes me as the shoot first and ask questions later kind of Father-in-Law," Booth observed.

Hodgins' shoulders slumped in defeat. Given how sadistically demented Billy was Hodgins was sure that the whack job would _**immediately**_ hop on his plane and fly over for another _**celebratory**_ Tequila party with him and he'd wind up with some more tattoos, most likely on the old Royal Scepter. He shuddered at the horrifying thought. He felt like crying, knowing that this would not turn out well.

"When's the film arrive?" he squeaked.

"Tomorrow afternoon," Booth told him. "Thanks, Hodgins! I knew I could count on you!"

"Go Team," Hodgins muttered as Booth left the Diner to head in to work. If he found some subliminal shit in the film or audio he was going to make damn sure he found who did it and sick Billy on his sorry ass! And after that? Hodgins began to mentally work on the formula for a very highly concentrated Ultra Turbo Lax to douse Booth's apple pie with! Maybe a few days on the Throne would teach Booth that _**no one**_ screwed with the King of the Lab! He just prayed that he didn't have to celebrate with Billy when this was all over with. Now he was beginning to hate that damn flick Wonder Woman!

 _A/N: Short, but fun as I wanted Booth to be irrational and a bit crazed as he drags the King of the Lab in to find out what was causing Bones to become so obsessed, and also the culprit who was responsible for ruining Junior. I couldn't resist a fun mention of Billy, either. I hope you enjoyed it! Gregg._


	3. Chapter 3

_This was a difficult chapter to write. Because of the various scenarios that peaked into the storyline in the second chapter, I have been wrestling with making this a five chapter story as opposed to the original three chapter idea. After some ideas that have floated to the surface and also some great feedback, I have decided to do five chapters. So, without further adieu, here is this third chapter, letting us see how Hodgins fared after his meeting with Booth. We get back to Booth in chapter four. I hope you enjoy it!_

 _Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Hodgins was slogging through frame after frame of the _**Wonder Woman**_ film while the computer was analyzing the audio for anything that could explain what had caused Dr. B to bring on such an out of character reaction and also bring on that dreaded of all dreaded conditions in Booth: impotence. If he found anything he was going to put a bug in Billy's ear and have that psychotic sadist have a little celebratory _tequila_ chat with the sick fucker who did it. Maybe a few new pieces of body art would send a clear message that decent people were disgusted by any of that subliminal bullshit! As it was he himself was dealing with a new and decidedly _**unwelcome**_ case of impotence! He _**knew**_ that meeting up with Booth hadn't been a good idea, as he'd been blissfully ignorant of any issues on the home front. Now the crown jewels were tucked in and hiding from any view whatsoever, and the Royal Scepter had shriveled up, practically turned in on itself and gone into hiding. He was sure that it would take a pair of tweezers and some serious pain and suffering to get it out into the open again in all its _**REGAL**_ glory!

All Angie had to do was one simple thing. Four simple words in reply to his heart felt, and downright scared out of his mind, question. Those words? _You're the best, Hodgie!_ Followed, of course, by some serious making out! Nothing too dramatic. Just the truth! The King of the Lab deserved at least that! Or how about a simple, humble, heartfelt and seriously understated, yet _ **loudly**_ squealed, instantaneous exclamation of _I can't live without you Hodgie!_ With, naturally, the serious make out session mentioned before! Was that asking too much? He didn't think so! He thought back to that horrifying moment the afternoon of the day before.

He'd rolled into the newly renovated lab, which had an incredible array of the latest in computer and scanning technologies, and made his way immediately to Angie's office. He'd gone home first and put on a fresh shirt, rinsed with mouthwash (make out sessions were a bust if bad breath was part of the mix!), spritzed on some seriously arousing cologne just to make sure that the total studly package was on display before giving Angie the Heaven sent opportunity to once more let her Hodgie know how Royally magnificent he is! He stopped for a moment before entering and just watched her as she worked on her _**BABY**_ as she called the latest iteration of the Angelatron. It was still amazing to him how lucky he got with her. Granted, the psychotic father-in-law business he could do without, but he was confident that he would have that sick, demented, sadistic freak sitting in a solitary cell in a Super Max prison one of these days soon! He even had fantasies of seeing the nut bar being sentenced in court to such a fate. Of course he kept all that to himself as he didn't want to risk serious maiming at the hands of Angie, or, even worse, the sick freak himself. Taking a deep breath, offering up a silent, heart felt and fearful prayer, he rolled into Angie's office.

"Now that is a sight to behold," he said aloud as he took in her absolutely perfect figure, wrapped in a silk blouse and short skirt that hugged all her curves just right. If he didn't need to make damn sure that there were no troubles on the home front he'd be making a serious pitch to get right to the mind blowing make out session and forget all the preliminaries!

"You're incorrigible, Jack," Angela chuckled as she looked over at her husband.

"Just honest," Hodgins told her. "Are you happy?" he blurted right out. Better to get this done up front and then the frolicking could begin!

"Excuse me?" Angela had asked.

"Our marriage and life together," Hodgins clarified, giving her some perfect opportunities to give him some serious praise and adulation.

Silence. More silence. Further silence.

Hodgins began to sweat. What the fuck is going on? Where's the _You're the best Hodgie_? He'd even settle for a simple _Yes, Hodgie_.

"Uh, Ange?" he squeaked.

"Well, it has been a difficult year," Angela finally said. "It was really rough for a while, but things are getting better."

Hodgins' eyes bugged out, the blood left his face and he could feel the Royal Scepter and the Crown Jewels shriveling up and going into hiding. If Billy got wind of this he'd be fucked for sure! Damn Booth and his lack of stamina! Now the Hodgins' happy home was a sinking ship and Jack could see some more body art on his horizon for sure! He latched onto the one good bit of news.

"It really is getting better?" he asked, trying desperately to keep the pleading tone out of his voice.

"Of course," she assured him. "Just because it's taking time for me to emotionally get beyond what happened when you had so much difficulty dealing with your situation doesn't mean I don't love you. But you asked if I'm happy, and that takes time."

Hodgins about flopped out of the wheelchair and kissed her feet. He didn't, but it had been a close one there. At least she still loved him and things were improving. That still put his ass in a serious sling when it came to that freak Billy if Booth were to suggest he was making Angie unhappy, though. Well! No make out session today! It also meant he was stuck with all that film analysis bullshit that Booth was dragging him in on!

Hodgins brought his thoughts back to the present and shuddered at the memory. It had been a rough rest of the day and he'd done all he could to keep from breaking down and rushing to the nearest Church and praying for forgiveness and some Divine assistance in avoiding that Sadist Billy. He really didn't want to have to face the wrath of Billy any time soon. Especially seeing as he'd been really working on doing things right by Angie. He could see her point, and was so in love with her that he knew that with some work and understanding they would be back to the Happy Home 100% in no time. She had told him that things were really a lot better than when he had been depressed and it was more getting back her emotional equilibrium than anything else. Until then, though, Booth, that sexual wimp, had him by the balls. Cursing, he went back to working on the next set of film reel. It was going to be a long evening!

 _A/N: I hope you enjoyed this humorous look at Hodgins in the aftermath of his being dragged into this mess. I wanted the scene with he and Angela to be simple, not drawn out. I hope it worked. I should have another chapter in a few days. Gregg._


	4. Chapter 4

_Here is the chapter in which Booth gets ready to confront Bones about all the impotency nonsense, and just why Junior is having problems saluting. This is a short bridge chapter for this story as I have been in the hospital for roughly five weeks now dealing with some cardiac issues, but I wanted to at least add something to it. I wanted it to be a blend of the serious with the humorous, so I hope this one works._

 _Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was suiting up for his showdown with Bones. He'd heard some absolutely horrifying news that morning from an ecstatic Bones. **Justice League,** which, shock of shocks, just so happens to have _Wonder Woman_ playing a prominent role, was hitting the local theaters in three days and Bones, bless her evil, maniacal little head, blissfully announced that she'd purchased _three months_ of _**daily**_ tickets online for the both of them, the first showing being, you guessed it, the good old midnight sneak peek that just frosted his cajones the last time. She'd also let him know that the results of his medical exam had come in (funny how they called her right away and ignored his sorry ass!) and there was no real physical reason for his sudden impotence (God he _**hated**_ that word!), so if Junior wasn't back up to snuff and saluting to beat all Hell in three days it was Viagra time!

After almost spewing his morning coffee all over the place when he'd heard the joyous news he'd immediately gotten on the horn with Hodgins and demanded an update. _**Naturally**_ the Bug Man was slow as molasses on this most important of projects, so he'd ripped the poor guy a new one and demanded a redoubling of efforts or Billy was going to be getting a little call from a concerned citizen (namely a highly decorated, high ranking FBI Special Agent who is also a former Army Ranger) who had his Baby Girl's best interests at heart. Maybe that would light a fire under Hodgins ass and he'd get on the stick! If Junior had to suffer the ignominy of needing Viagra, then the King of the Lab was going to be getting some new body art courtesy of that great equalizer Billy!

Now he was in his Man Cave getting ready to have a little chat with Bones. Looking around he smiled. He loved his Man Cave. Bones had been so relieved that he'd come back from the dead, so to speak, that she had had designed, and contracted to have built, his very own Man Cave. His last Man Cave had been a sickly four by six foot closet with a couple of autographed Flyer's posters and a couple of select Philly's pictures to ooh and awe over from the doorway (the plans for the glorious man cave in the previous house had bit the dust when it became apparent that there wasn't enough room for it and her Anthropologist's Cave, Bones having demanded in no uncertain terms that her _sanctum sanctorum_ had total priority over all other hideaways!). This damn thing was absolutely palatial! Leather and wood furnishings! Sports memorabilia and autographed goodies from all his favorite teams and athletes! Full sized wet bar! 160 inch flat screen, wall mounted 4K Ultra-HD LED TV with 3D capability! Mini hot dog stand and bun warmer! Fully wired surround sound! The latest in gaming systems! She'd even put in his beloved stadium seats! And the best part? She had put a gold plated sign on the door labeling the room _**Booth's Man Cave**_! Bones, being Bones, had, given her literal mindedness, stated that the title meant what it said, therefor no girls or women allowed, and she enforced it, even on herself. It was so glorious that he'd had to pinch himself several times to convince himself it was real! That's why he was there right then. He was slipping back on his clothes in order to face Bones and he didn't want her getting suspicious too soon. He did a mental check on what he'd put on underneath his clothes:

Military grade body armor? Check. _Bones_ _ **still**_ _had that damn cannon of hers, after all!_

Industrial strength polymer cup? Check. _He did a double check on that one in case Bones decided to try and do some serious damage to Junior and the Boys._

Steel knee braces? Check. _If Bones decided to take him out at the knees he was well guarded._

Back brace? Check. _No sense winding up in traction!_

Heavy duty military issue reinforced combat boots? Check. _Need to make sure the old footsies/tootsies are safe and sound, after all._ _Bones knew all his physical weaknesses!_

Heavy duty wrist braces? Check. _He'd seen what she could do to a suspects wrists when she was pissed!_

He'd seriously considered some riot gear with a Kevlar helmet and face shield, but decided that he could take a bit of a risk. Instead he was going to face her like a man. Yep! All suited up with the latest in body protection and ready to receive some punishment. Let's face it, though. Bones had turned Junior and the Boys into insubordinate soldiers and he wanted to make it clear that enough was enough. Of course, laying down the law with Bones was a Fool's Errand, but there was no way any little blue pills were going to invade the Booth & Bones Happy Home! Not on his watch! Taking one last mental inventory he nodded his head and opened the door of his Man Cave.

"Bones!" he called out. "We need to talk!"

 _A/N: Short, I know, but my health is not allowing me to do a great deal at the moment. I hope to be able to continue this story soon. Thank you for all those who have continued reading this one! Gregg._


End file.
